


for now

by holtzmannedbaby



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, I Tried, smut with a dash of feels, this is a lil messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzmannedbaby/pseuds/holtzmannedbaby
Summary: she watches in admiration as Judy gets undressed. And yeah, maybe she watches because part of her wants to give Judy the best fuck of her life, but she also watches because she might just be a tiny bit in love with her.
Relationships: Judy Hale & Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75





	for now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cardeloons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardeloons/gifts).



> this is based off of a flashback from my previous fic
> 
> huge thank you to cardeloons for the prompt!

Jen sits at the kitchen island and sighs into her wine glass, swirling the burgundy liquid a few times before taking a sip. It’s been a day and she does _not_ want to talk about it. She sent the boys to Lorna’s for the night and she’d said goodnight to Judy a few hours ago yet she’s still sat here at 2:30am because she’s come to the conclusion that she doesn’t want to sleep alone tonight. She pulls out her phone and opens her texts with Judy, contemplating for a moment on whether she should just go and knock on the guesthouse door.

(She chooses to text, thinks the chime of her phone is less likely to disturb a possibly sleeping Judy.)

_You up?_

She sends the message and sets her phone back down on the counter, a few minutes pass and there’s no reply. She assumes that Judy is asleep but then she hears the click of the patio doors opening, she turns around and sees Judy still in the dress she was wearing during the day, proving that she was in fact awake and came as soon as she saw the message.

“Hey, what’s up?” Judy asks, walking over to Jen and settling in the seat beside her and Jen can see the slight worry in her eyes.

“Can you sleep with me tonight?” Jen blurts out and then internally scorns herself when she realises _exactly_ how it sounded.

“I’ve been wondering when you’d finally put out.” Judy winks, her voice playful but maybe there was some sincerity to it. Jen hopes so anyway.

“What, I- Judy, I didn’t mean like _that.”_ Jen stumbles over her words like a new-born foal trying to walk for the first time. She can feel heat rising in her cheeks and if Judy notices, she doesn’t let on.

Judy laughs lightly, “I’m kidding, although, if that’s something you want then I’m definitely down for it.”

Jen rolls her eyes, pretending that what Judy is insinuating isn’t something she’s thought about at 3am in the darkness of her room.

“You wish,” she stands from the chair and gulps down the remainder of her wine, and maybe she imagines it but Judy looks hurt, like maybe she _does_ wish. Jen keeps that in mind for another time, she extends a hand, “come on, I’ve had a shitty day.” Judy gives her a sympathetic smile and accepts.

Neither one makes an attempt to let go of the others hand as they climb the stairs to Jen’s room and it’s ridiculous really, this need they both have for constant physical affection, a hand on the thigh or the touch of a socked foot to a leg under the blanket, a way of saying _‘I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.’_ but it also makes sense, Judy is an extremely affectionate person, loves to give more than she would ever take and Jen longs to be loved and held, to prove to herself that she’s not disgusting and that she _is_ worthy of another person’s touch despite what she has been told before.

Jen walks into the room, reluctantly letting go of Judy’s hand and flopping down onto the bed. She watches Judy tie up her hair and counts one by one, each ring that Judy slides off her fingers and sets down on the table beside the bed.

(She counts 7.)

_‘huh, I thought there would be more.’_ She thinks.

“Hey, do you mind if I go down to the guesthouse and grab a robe to sleep in?”

“You can just borrow something if you want, top drawer.” Jen points at the dresser by the window.

“Okay, thanks.”

Jen is already in her signature baggy tee and sweatpants so she gets comfortable under the warm duvet while Judy turns to the dresser in search for something.

“Well, Jen Harding, what do we have here?”

Jen looks up and Judy is dangling a lowcut, deep red chemise between her fingers.

“Oh my god, I forgot I even had that,” Jen groans, putting a hand over her face, “I’ve never worn it but you are more than welcome to if that’s what you want.”

(It’s definitely what she wants.)

Judy drops it back into the drawer and scoffs, “pft, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but these bad boys,” Jen almost _drools_ as Judy cups her boobs and pushes them up, “would not fit in that.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed.” Jen says dryly.

“Pervert.”

“Judy!”

“I’m kidding, I like being looked at.” Judy winks and then turns around to change after settling on one of Jen’s oversized tees.

So Jen does, she watches in admiration as Judy gets undressed. And yeah, maybe she watches because part of her wants to give Judy the best fuck of her life, but she also watches because she might just be a tiny bit in love with her. Her heart swells at Judy’s freeness, the love she has for her own body, the way she has no problem showing it off to those she knows will appreciate it and Jen wishes she could be like that, wishes she had someone to tell her how beautiful she is. Her eyes roam over the sun-kissed skin dotted with freckles and the dimples at the base of her spine and she somehow fights the urge to walk over, to envelope her in a hug from behind and lay gentle kisses upon Judy’s shoulders.

(She’s definitely in love with her.)

Jen lets out a sigh as she lays there, an arm behind her head and the other low on her stomach, lost in thought when she feels the bed shift beside her, she looks at Judy who’s sitting on her knees.

“I’m just gonna-” Judy points to the moisturizer on the table beside Jen.

Judy goes to straddle Jen’s waist but her knee falls between her legs and makes contact with her center and Jen tries not to, she really fucking tries but she lets out a moan.

_Shit._

Judy looks at her and Jen can tell she’s trying to decipher whether the moan was from pleasure or pain, Jen attempts to convince her to believe the latter.

“What the fuck, Judy?” She goes for stern but her voice is wobbly and she fucking _knows_ that Judy can see right through her.

“I’ll just be a sec.” Judy grins, pulling her knee back but remaining seated above Jen, placing a hand against Jen’s chest, apparently to keep herself steady.

Jen lets out a quiet sigh at the loss of contact, wishing she had said nothing at all. She tries to be polite, watches as Judy unscrews the lid of the moisturizer but curiosity gets the better of her and she averts her eyes. She glances down and she can see Judy’s flawless fucking tits hanging freely under the shirt she had borrowed and then it’s like everything happens in slow-motion when in reality it’s no more than a few seconds. Judy leans forward a fraction (Jen swears she does it on purpose) and she feels Judy’s distinctively hard nipples drag ever so lightly across her chest and even through both layers of fabric, the sensation is palpable.

Judy climbs off of Jen shortly after and lays beside her, gently applying the coconut scented cream to her arms. Jen stares straight ahead trying to control her breathing and not focus on the burning sensation between her thighs.

“You okay? You look a little warm.” Judy asks, placing a hand on Jen’s forearm and the contact burns.

“I, uh, I need to use-” Jen doesn’t even finish her sentence, just points vaguely at the bathroom and runs.

She slams the door behind her and stands over the sink, her breathing heavy. She looks at herself in the mirror, noticing the way her pupils are blown wide and the blush that is creeping across her chest. She knows she shouldn’t when Judy is only a few feet away but she slips her hand beneath the waistband of her underwear and is shocked by how wet she is.

Jen replays the feeling of Judy’s knee pressing into her and the way her nipples had felt on her chest. She closes her eyes, imagining Judy above her, taking her shirt off and guiding Jen’s hands to her breasts, encouraging her to play with them, to pinch and kiss her nipples. Jen thinks she’d like that. She thinks about Judy’s fingers skimming across the soaked fabric of her pants and pulling them down, gasping and saying something like _‘this is for me?’_ when she sees the evidence of Jen’s arousal. The way she’d kiss Jen, so softly, moving her mouth lower and lower until-

“Fuck, Judy!” Jen lets slip, she clamps a hand over her mouth to muffle the rest of her cries and prays to whatever higher-power out there (if any) that Judy didn’t fucking hear that.

She continues moving her fingers furiously, imagining they’re Judy’s, imagining Judy whispering in her ear, _‘that’s it, Jen. Come for me, baby.’_ Telling her how good she is, how much she loves her and then there’s tears in her eyes as she comes and maybe they’re from the intensity of the orgasm or maybe they’re from guilt, she’s not quite sure.

She cleans herself up and notices that her underwear is drenched so she throws them in the laundry basket to deal with another day. She washes her hands off and splashes cold water on her face, checking herself over in the mirror and returns to the bedroom like she didn’t just get herself off to thoughts of her best friend. She’s drying her hands on her pyjama pants when she catches eyes with Judy who is smirking.

“Have a good time in there?” Judy’s voice is teasing.

Jen feels herself tense up, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Judy.” She says, hoping Judy doesn’t push any further because she honestly cannot think of an excuse as to why she would have yelled her name.

Judy winks and pulls the covers back, patting Jen’s side of the bed. Jen lets out a sigh of relief, turns out the table lamp and slips in, rolling on her side, facing away from Judy.

The room is filled with a comfortable silence when she feels a slender arm wrap around her waist and Judy’s hot breath on her ear, “I heard you moan my name.” She whispers.

“Fuck off, no you didn’t.” Jen grumbles, still trying to deny the fact.

“Mm, I definitely did. You were like _‘fuck! Judy!’”_ Judy does an impression and yes, Jen does find her voice _really_ fucking sexy when she does it but she also wishes the room would crack open and swallow her whole to save her the embarrassment of the possible conversation that may be about to happen.

“Shut the fuck up and go to sleep, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jen buries her face deeper into the pillow in hope that it will suffocate her or something.

“C’mon Jen, don’t be embarrassed. I’ve already told you that I’d totally fuck you given the opportunity.” Judy emphasises the word ‘fuck’ with a rock of her hips into Jen’s ass.

Deep down Jen knows that Judy is telling the truth, she knows that Judy would undoubtedly show her a good time. The best time, actually. But part of her is convinced that it would be out of pity or that she’d change her mind as soon as Jen took off her shirt.

“Oh my god, this isn’t happening. I swear to god I will send you back out to the fucking guesthouse, Judy.” Jen huffs but there’s no malice in her voice.

“It was literally you who asked me to sleep here with you! And besides, if you sent me back out there then I wouldn’t be able to do this.”

Jen’s doubts are washed away when she feels the hand previously wrapped around her waist slowly slip under her shirt, tracing patterns from her stomach up to her breasts, lightly squeezing them both before trailing back down and sliding under the waistband of Jen’s pants.

Judy gasps, “no panties?”

_Oh fuck._

She shakes her head and admits defeat, “they were pretty fucking ruined.” She feels Judy trailing her fingers up and down her thigh and she trembles when they move dangerously close to where she can feel her wetness pooling again.

“Fuck, Jen. That’s so sexy.” Judy whispers in her ear, “I wanna take you right now.”

“Are you sure?” Jen whimpers as she spreads her legs to accommodate Judy’s fingers that slide surely through her arousal.

“Mhm.” Judy mumbles into her neck as she whirls her fingers around Jen’s entrance then up to her clit, “you’re so wet for me, baby.”

“Fuck yes.” Jen sighs, rocking her hips into Judy’s hand, silently begging for more and Judy must understand because she pushes two fingers into her and uses her thumb to stroke Jen’s clit.

“Shit, that feels so good.” Jen moans.

“I wanna make you feel good, Jen. I wanna make you feel so fucking good.” Judy reaches for one of Jen’s hands and intertwines their fingers and Jen has honestly never felt so loved and so appreciated.

She turns to lay on her back so she can see Judy, she looks into her eyes and they’re so soft and filled with love and affection. And Jen tries to think of a time that she’s ever felt this admired when she’s not reciprocating but she can’t, thinks that maybe it didn’t even exist until now.

“Jude, can you- can you kiss me?” Her voice is unsteady like she’s scared to ask in case Judy doesn’t want to.

But she does, Judy swings a leg over Jen’s to straddle her and leans down, capturing her lips in a tender kiss and Jen’s heart may just explode, their mouths move together in flawless unison. She places a hand on the back of Judy’s neck, pulling her closer as she ventures her tongue into her mouth and Judy moans, meeting Jen’s tongue with hers.

Jen bunches the fabric of Judy’s shirt in her fists and begins to lift it. She pulls back from the kiss, searching Judy’s eyes for confirmation and Judy removes it herself, discarding it on the floor before returning her hand to Jen’s center.

Jen is mesmerized, she brings her hands up to cup Judy’s breasts, stroking her nipples with her thumbs and Judy hums with approval. She takes one in her mouth while rolling the other between her fingers and Judy’s content little sighs become her favourite sounds. Her other hand skims across Judy’s stomach and into her underwear where she’s instantly greeted with warm wetness. She circles her clit and Judy gasps.

“Shit, Jen. Right there, I’m so close already.” Judy moans, grinding down into Jen’s fingers.

Jen presses harder into Judy while continuing to lavish her chest with kisses and bites but she notices that Judy’s rhythm is faltering and unwillingly releases her nipple from her mouth with a graze of her teeth for good measure.

“Jude, harder. I’m gonna come.” She pants, thrusting her hips to meet Judy’s hand.

Judy quickens her pace, pumping and curling her fingers against the spot that sends Jen’s world into slow motion once again as she feels her orgasm building. She stills her movements inside Judy and closes her eyes, letting the feeling take over, the white hot heat bubbling low in her stomach as her back arches and her thighs quiver and then she comes with a shuddered breath.

She slips her fingers out of Judy and opens her eyes. Judy’s looking down at her with a warm smile and she can’t help but lean up to kiss her again, “you’re really good at that.” She mumbles against Judy’s mouth and she feels Judy grinning.

“So are you.”

“Did you come?” Jen questions sheepishly.

“A few times.” Judy admits.

Jen realizes Judy’s hand is still between her legs so she gently pulls it out and brings it up to her mouth, “thank you,” she whispers, placing a tender kiss on Judy’s knuckles, “thank you for making me feel good enough.”

Judy presses a kiss to Jen’s forehead, “oh, honey. You’re more than good enough. You’re the best person I know and I love you so, so much.” Judy moves off of Jen and lays next to her, “come on, let’s get some sleep.”

Jen rolls back onto her side and Judy holds her close, brushing her fingers through her hair. Jen knows they will have to talk about this at some point in the morning, about where they go from here but for now she basks in the comfort of Judy’s arms.

“Jude?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

She feels the brunette squeeze her a little tighter and bury her face in her neck, “I love you too,” Judy gently kisses the back of her neck, “Goodnight, Jen.”

“Goodnight, Jude.”


End file.
